Sociology Realizations 3

As I briefly stated in my last post, my sociology professor’s wife has taken over his class while he is away in the States for 2 ½ weeks. We distracted her enough for her to tell us how she met her husband and how they decided to get married and so on. The response we received was quite a bit off from my ideal concept and understanding of love. She talked about the expenses of having a baby, which is a very strong reality that most people don’t necessarily think about before having their first child. Diapers and clothes and a high chair and a car seat and a crib and a stroller and all these other random things that people need to have for their perfect little angel sent from above. And then all the lovely negative aspects of having children: things that can go wrong during a woman’s pregnancy and/or childbirth. There is suffering and sickness and a whole lot of pain.

Oh, and apparently the same goes for dating and marriage. During the dating process, there is only one thing on each partner’s mind: for the guy, how to get her to have sex with him; and for the girl, how to trap him into a committed relationship. And once two unfortunate people get married, then what happens? They end up hating all those cute little adorable things that the other used to do while they were dating. Those things that you didn’t mind doing every once in a while are now expected all the time (like doing laundry or watching that chick flick). That person who once brought you so much joy and happiness and, quite frankly, love is now the epitome of your anger and annoyance. And sometimes things get so bad that you just want to walk out on them, and they want the same. Then you start looking around at friends’ relationships and see only brokenness and defeat and you wonder, “Where did the love go?”

What’s the truth about love? Love makes you vulnerable and love hurts. But love also gives you strength, love is beautiful, love is accepting, love heals your wounds. Love, when given and received properly, is a wonderful thing. It encourages a person to become selfless, putting the wants and needs of another person in front of their own. But in return, that person is putting the wants and needs of that person in front of their own. It is a cyclical process that makes people step out from themselves and look to how they can make someone else’s life better. It is the desire to enter into someone’s life while giving that person the chance to enter into their own. Love is giving your heart to another person and trusting them not to break it. And sometimes that person will. Sometimes it wasn’t meant to be with that person, and no matter how many times you ask, “why”, you may never find an answer. Not until another person walks into your life with a roll of duct tape and some glue and takes your heart away and fixes it. Now that, that is love.

But love is real. It’s not all about the beautiful and happy, it has downfalls and sometimes brings out the pain in order to bring healing. “A broken heart means that you went after something you really wanted”. Love is about taking chances, falling for something that you’re not entirely sure will catch you. And sometimes it takes a couple of falls to find the right person who was ready to catch you and to support you. Don’t give up after your first fall, it’s a learning experience. There is good in every situation, you just have to be open and aware enough to search for it. But look for that good, and let that be the force that drives you forward in life.

Love is about commitment, forever and always. “Love pushes you off your balance in order to give your life balance”. Have you ever heard “You have two ears, two hands, two legs but only one heart. That’s because God put your other one in another person”? (Or something similar at least). Before you meet that person, you go living your life how you want to, not having too many external responsibilities or obligations. And then “that person” enters your life randomly, someone you weren’t expecting. I’m not saying that they bring about all these overbearing and annoying responsibilities and obligations that you now have to take care of, but they require more of your time and effort. But through that you find what you have been missing all your life. It is not viewed as a chore (at least not all the time) as you can find yourself enjoying all that time that you spend together. When that person is upset, you don’t see it as a hassle to bring them their favorite chocolate bar, or call them just for the heck of it. It is the desire to be together, and the desire of being wanted.

Love is not easy, but it is not impossible either. There will be some bad times, but there will also be amazing times that accompany them. It is healthy to be realistic, not necessarily overly optimistic and certainly not pessimistic. It’s not a bad thing to be aware that bad things will happen no matter what situation you’re in, but you do not have to dwell on them and you do not have to make them the center of how you view love. If you’ve been hurt in the past, let it go. Let them go. Do not allow that person to have power over your life, because your life is under your control.

Letting go

I sit here and stare off into nothing

While the words circle around in my head

Though they don’t make sense

The feelings of despair still spread

Along with longing of how things once were

Yet I continue to reread those words

My heart refuses to realize

Or admit why it hurts

Though I’m not meant to understand

I search for the meaning

Of why it had to happen this way

Though I’m not past feeling

The pain of losing you

While the recovery may be slow

Deep down I know the truth

That it’s time to let you go.

“In these few moments, in these imperfect actions, in these useless words, will you take me?” Love is a partnership. It is about giving more than you take. For those times that you need help, when you take more than you give, do not think of it as something bad. It is the other person’s chance to give more than they take. There will be a time, many times, in a person’s life that they need help, that they cannot make it on their own. And that’s the beauty of love: knowing that you don’t have to.